Saturday, November 27, 2010

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Failure is not an option!

As you all know, I am on a quest. A really big, unattainable, Excalibur stuck in a boulder, quest. I want BREAD! I need bread. I love bread. However, the amount of guilt I have when I layer a couple slices of Wonder bread with my hot pastrami and provolone is astronomical. 

Logan cannot have Wonder bread, that in and of itself is a modern day tragedy. He also can't have homemade dinner rolls, bread sticks, garlic bread on spaghetti night, tortillas on burrito night... you get the idea. And so,  I have guilt. I have tried ready made gfcf bread ( I thought I was going to die, it was so significantly nasty, and the stuff was $8 a loaf!!), I have tried buying gfcf bread mixes and baking it at home ( not as nasty, but not something I would eat voluntarily). I have looked online for recipes, which I have been slowly but surely trying out, but with mediocre results, and less than optimal flavor and density.

So, I have made a decision. In December, I am going to launch the Twelve Days of Bread. You know, like the Twelve Days of Christmas, but ... bread. Here's the part where you get to contribute to the Monster House's twelve day torture. The Monster House (they don't know this part yet) will not be eating any bread except that which I review here on the blog. THAT means, I need twelve recipes, mix suggestions, or ready made loaf suggestions to be sampled, reviewed, and tweaked. Remember, the Monster House is gluten, casein, soy, corn, egg and nut free. That ought to make things a little more interesting!

I have been advertising for a recipe tutor on twitter, and now I'm advertising on the blog. I need to have some phenomenal person tutor me in substitutions for corn flour, xanthan gum, and soy. Someone PLEASE email me and be my tutor! I'll give ya a cookie......

SO.. here I go, about to butcher one of the most famous poems in history, and adapt it to... well, bread.

cries she
With silent lips. "Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!" 

Cries frazzledmomma
With silent blog lips. "Give me your crumbly, your tasteless,
Your gelatinous masses of dough yearning to be light,
The wretched refuse of your teeming recipe box.
Send these, the corn flour, egg filled to me,
I lift my mixer beaters beside my bowl!"

But what does this mean?!? What it means is, I will take all the horrible recipes, and the nasty premade loaves that cost a week's salary, and the mixes that produce the equivalent of kitchen sponges in flavor and texture. I will tweak them. I will use them for meals. I will play around with them for twelve days, and I will find a gfcfsfcfef bread that is delicious! 

What if I fail? Failure?!? FAILURE?????


Allison said...

My favorite flours to use are buckwheat, which has a very strong taste to it, tapioca and potato. I make a bread out of the three of those for Roman. Honestly, I don't like it at all, but Roman does and that's what's important, right?

Heidi @Adventures of a Gluten Free Mom said...

Have you tried Carrie's recipe for GF Vegan Crusty Bread over at Ginger Lemon Girl:

Carrie says that the almond meal could be replaced with a bean flour and she gives a wonderful photo tutorial along with some great tips on baking gluten-free, dairy-free, egg-free bread.

Good Luck!

Caryn said...

Thanks, Heidi! I'll have to let y'all know how it works out for me. Also, I'm simply DYING to try that crescent roll recipe you have up over on your blog. It'll be fun, and the monsters will thank you for providing something edible during the 12 days of bread.... ;)

Anonymous said...

Ok love, I have a couple options for you.

Udi's bread isn't half bad. (In the freezer section). Especially grilled or toasted.

As for mixes,
We like The Cravings Place create-your-pwn Quick bread & muffin mix (yields a sweet bread or makes great banana/zuicchini/chocoloate chip/etc...).

For a grain free option, try this recipe at Elana's Pantry... we love it. although I've used many starches in place of arrowroot and I don't use agave, so honey usually finds it's way into mine.

Good luck! Can't wait to hear about your results. Oh... we also found a tasty crescent roll recipe. I'll find it and get it over to ya!

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