Monday, August 24, 2015

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Donuts and Dating

Last night we had the rare pleasure of having the family of my #4's potential boyfriend (Hereafter referred to as PB) in our home. Because I am full of snark and other silly things, I made doughnuts to snack on while we visited. PB's dad is a cop. I'm still trying to stifle the giggles. But, I digress.

The whole point of the meeting was so the parents could meet each other and come up with a plan. You see, #4 is a very beautiful 15 year old. And she wants to date. Really, really badly. The problem here is, in our family, we do not allow our children to date until they are 16. So #4 decided that she could get around this rule, and have PB over when I wasn't home, or go out and meet him in the middle of the night while I was caring for #3 after septoplasty surgery (because I wouldn't be able to leave #3 to go driving around to find her, you see.). This did not go well for #4 or PB, and the parents of the both naughty children  stupid teens kids have had enough and decided it was time we got to know each other and present a united front.

Yesterday was spent scrubbing down the house, so the PB and his family wouldn't contract a rare disease for which a cure has not yet been discovered by modern science. Oh, and there were also several nervous break downs on the part of #4, because I am dealing with a kidney stone, and was partaking of the Percocet. It took me 4 hours and a lot of concentration, but my living room has never been cleaner! I even took apart our sectional and vacuumed under the cushions. That's dedication, people. Don't worry. I took ibuprofen and gritted my teeth a lot while we had company. I don't know these poor people well enough to show them my brain on drugs, quite yet.

As 7pm got closer and closer, poor #4 got more and more nervous, disastrous scenarios swirling around inside her head. The biggest fear was that all the parents would tell the kids that dating was not an option, and they needed to break up. #4 worked off her nervous energy as best she could, scrubbing and organizing my kitchen ( I should totally make her nervous more often. The place looks great!), making dinner, and voicing her concerns. Being ever helpful in my Percocet saturated state, I vowed that I would not let anyone die in my freshly cleaned house, so she had nothing to worry about. She remained unconvinced.

Finally, it was time. #4 saw PB and fam pull into the driveway, and disappeared downstairs shrieking something about not having makeup on yet, and I went to open the door to the Monster House. I seriously doubt the police academy has appropriate training for dealing with the crazy that lives within these walls.

Holy crap, I like these people! They are all kinds of sarcastic and full of stories of stupid people and what stupid people do and ohmygoshimustapprove!!! So, after 30 minutes or so, PB and #4 can't take it anymore, and they go to sit outside on the front steps while we decide their fate. MWAHAHAHAHAHA!! I very gently brought up the subject.

Me:So. What do you think about these kids of ours?

PB Cop Dad: Well, what do *you* think?

Me: Well, I really hate being put in a position where I feel like if I don't conform in some way to their wishes, the problem will just exacerbate. However, I feel in this case that some compromise is necessary. Therefore, I am willing to allow PB and #4 to be at each others' homes, as long as parents are present, and it is arranged with the parents beforehand. But that is all. No actual dating, no one on one time no matter what, and texting happens when they leave one home and arrive at the other, etc.

PB Cop Dad: I'm good with that.

Me: Ok. I'll call them in.

PB Cop Dad: Wait! We should make them think they are in trouble!

(have I mentioned I like these people?!)


*I nearly died, I was trying so hard not to laugh*

#4 is sitting on the sectional, about to pass out, PB is about 5 feet away from her, ready to man up and take the punishment, and then... PB Cop Dad took over.

2 minutes of silent intimidating cop style staring at my #4. Followed by very solemn, "I just don't know where to start."  I take it all back. The police academy has taught this man a thing or two about dealing with the people that live within these walls. #4 was yessir-ing and no sir-ing herself into a frenzy, PB was very very VERY quiet. Until PB Cop Dad told them they could go to each other's homes. Then they were really irritated with all of us, but we were too busy laughing to care. It wasn't until this morning that #4 saw the humor in it all.... and I saw the holes from #4 biting her lip that happened during the stare down...

And besides... PB Cop Dad has handcuffs and a taser. I'm fairly certain the kids will behave at his house. Now I've just got to research ways to keep hormonal teenagers under control while I'm babysitting them.......

Donut police image by Cypress Collectibles
Couch vacuuming by ontargetcoach
Charles Montgomery "Monty" Burns by tomatobubble

Sunday, November 30, 2014

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Delight Santa And The Kids With Wonder Forge!

It's that time of year again.. letters to Santa, Black Friday, Cyber Monday, Small Business Saturday.... it all gets so confusing, when you're fighting complete strangers in public, on the floor, with your pajama pants sliding down and monstrous coffee breath, for the latest and greatest things all the little monsters in the world are begging for.

For the Monster House, though, we are clinging to our family time. We've all but boycotted the iPad for anything that isn't educational, and we're going back to basics with Santa Claus. This is where Wonder Forge comes in, with quality games that are sure to please parents, kids, and Santa alike. I have to say... the checkbook won't be offended, either. Wait. What?! Fabulous games everyone will love without having to take out a second mortgage? Win/win! You just can't go wrong!

We were delighted when the email came this year, asking us to review this season's newest games from Wonder Forge, so we could tell you how much we love them. I have to admit, though, we were right about to start (yet another) move, and everything was beginning to be packed and after I replied enthusiastically to the email, I thought to myself, "Am I NUTS?!" and then I reminded myself how much I love Wonder Forge, and I was fine again. So, let's get down to business!

I have a house full of boys, and they were in heaven when the newest Wonder Forge box arrived. Absolute male bonding heaven. Didn't matter how old they are.... they were all hyper and ready to play. First up was the Star Wars Force Grab Game. And seriously... anything Star Wars in this house is instantly awesome. Available in stores and online at Toys R Us for $14.99, the price is sure to make parents smile. This is a matching game, where you match pictures of game pieces to the matching game card. Be quick! You have to be faster than your opponent, and the competition is fierce! This game is great for dexterity, memory, and reflexes, and teaches good sportsmanship as well. Suggested ages for this game are ages 8-14. I have to say, though.. this Momma is 40, the Daddy is 52, and we had a rockin' good time, just like our 9 year old. Because of the nature of this game, if younger players want to be included, it may be necessary to adjust the rules, or even toss out the rules entirely, focusing only on matching, to accommodate them. It was pretty cut throat at the Monster House, but it was all in good fun and no game pieces were harmed in the making of this review.

Next, we reviewed Star Wars Rebel Missions. This game is rated for children ages 6-12 and retails for $16.99 at Toys R Us, in stores and online. Each player picks a profile, rolls dice, and completes tasks. Once tasks are completed, codes are entered into the Imperial Timer, but some of them are decoys.  I have to admit, this game was rather confusing at first, and the Imperial Timer was very distracting. It was difficult to distinguish between "good" code chimes and "decoy" code chimes at times, and the music that plays on the timer throughout was a bit much to take in the first few times we played. However, the game is fun once you know what you are doing, and I am sure we will play it again and again for family game night- especially now that we are all moved and will quickly be getting back in to our regular routine. (Now where did that box of games get put....?)

If you loved Yahtzee as a kid, this next game is sure to please and bring back memories, while creating new ones with your child. Star Wars Face Off Dice Game is recommended for children from 8-15 years, and is available for through Amazon for $9.99. This game includes a dice cup with the face of Darth Vader on one side and the face of Luke Skywalker on the other. It comes with 5 game dice, a lid for the dice cup so it can be transported without losing game dice, and a copy of the rules. This is portable entertainment at it's best. You will need pen and paper to keep score, as you did with the other game I mentioned. But my monsters loved being able to be the hero or the villain, bluffing, and had a great time rolling the dice and getting points. Because of the small pieces of the game, this product is not recommended for smaller children age 3 and younger, and children on the younger end of the recommended age spectrum may need help from an adult to play. This game promotes strategic thinking and imaginative play.

If  Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker don't float your monsters' boat, but Spidey does.... check this out! The Marvel version of the Face Off game! Marvel Ultimate Spider-Man Face Off is also available on Amazon for $9.99, and recommended for children ages 8-15 years. The dice cup has the face of Spider-Man on one side, and Rhino on the other, and includes cup lid, game dice, and rules. I can't help envisioning a rainy day at Summer camp, and some brilliant child yanking the Face Off games out of his pack, and suddenly turning into the hero of the tent. I'm funny that way.. vivid mental images. This game would also be wonderful for chasing away the winter storm doldrums that inevitably occur during Christmas break, forcing our monsters to stay inside.

Lastly, we got to mess around with the Marvel Avengers Assemble Slide Strike Game. This game is available online at Amazon for $9.99, and is recommended for children ages 7-15. This game encourages strategic thinking and deductive reasoning, as players conceal their true identity and slide across the battlefield for surprise attacks. With each character combination, a different outcome to the game is possible.  Whoever outlasts their opponent, wins! It just doesn't get much better than that.

If you are looking to bring your family out of the screen time stupor just like we were, games the whole family can enjoy are the perfect solution. Wonder Forge has been a favorite of the Monster House for quite a while now, and their games have held up to moves, hysterical episodes of weeping and wailing when someone didn't win, and stealth trips to school in back packs for show and tell. The quality of the Wonder Forge product line is second to none, and sure to please both giver and recipient. So.. if you're looking for something special for the boys in your life that has nothing to do with screen time, you can't go wrong by choosing Wonder Forge. They are absolutely Monster House approved, with a rating of 18 thumbs up!

I was provided with free product from Wonder Forge in exchange for honest opinions and reviews. I was not compensated monetarily for my opinion or review.

Monday, August 19, 2013

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Momma's on time out!

It would seem that I haven't had as much excitement as I'm supposed to. Today, I went to our local clinic because a wound on my foot wasn't healing after ten days, and was radiating red lines. That'll scare ya in a hurry, for sure. Turns out, though I don't have sepsis, I do have cellulitis, and have to stay quiet, foot elevated, taking antibiotics.  I'm already bored, people. It's been four and a half hours. I don't the I'm going to be able to survive multiple days of this nonsense.

Has anyone else had to deal with something like this? I thought bed rest was way waaaay behind me after having the twins. It's this wacky role reversal, where monsters tell their mother, "Lay down! I mean it! And don't get up again!" And the Momma starts whining, " but I need a drink! I need to use the bathroom! I'm hungry!" I have to say, sometimes, I'm not thirsty. I'm not hungry. I just want to get up. Because I can.

I need reminders of how to entertain myself while being grounded.. er... on time out...oh, whatever it is. It sucks. Also, I will be totally throwing the doctor's orders to the wind tomorrow night, when the twinnies will be having their Kindergarten back to school night. I will again disregard medical advice Wednesday morning, for the first day of Kindergarten. And then I promise. I promise. I will stay down, foot elevated, watching everything on DVR, gaining weight from all the eating because I'm bored.

I have to give the fam credit. The first 4 hours has gone well. Dishes were done, the kitchen is kinda clean, the rest of the house ain't bad. But I shudder to think what will happen tomorrow, when dinner isn't already in the crock pot waiting to be eaten, the dishes aren't under control, and the house looks like a tornado went through it. Actually, it will have been three little tornados. And they are talented, people. Talented.

I'll keep y'all posted. After all.. I'll be here... Finding ways to entertain myself. Maybe it's time to start writing that book everyone is insisting will win me a Pulitzer. That could work.....