Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Vote for my post on Mom Blog Network

Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition - Bootcamp #review

It's that time of year again, when I absolutely hate the way I look. I take a vow to loathe anyone that weighs less than 600 pounds, looks good in a swimsuit, loses their baby weight within 45 minutes of giving birth, or who has a functional metabolism.

I start stalking the produce section as I grocery shop, fantasizing in my head that the Special K diet really *will* work, because I won't do it with sides of French toast and bacon this time. I tell myself that I don't need m&ms or any other form of chocolate. I make a halfhearted promise to myself that I will stop baking no matter how therapeutic it is late at night after a super dee duper stressful day. I vow to stop buying brown sugar and chocolate chips. I take out the yoga DVD and pretend that I love the soft, never irritated voice of the yoga witch who never sweats, grunts, or uses profanity as she smilingly twists herself into positions that normal people need the jaws of life and 16 fire fighters to get out of.

I remind myself how much better I felt last year when I lost 20 pounds in 6 weeks. I remind myself that it got easier every time I exercised, and how exhilarating it was when my pants started falling off my body.

And none of this lying to myself is working. The truth of the matter is, I hate cheerful workout instructors. They piss me off. Do *not* grin and say, "Only 60,000 crunches left to go! You can do it! You're stronger than you think!" No. I can't do it. I'm having delusions about Ben and Jerry right now, thank you very much. So you can take your happy crunches and...uh.. ahem. Sorry.

I despise people who don't sweat and curse and burst into sobs at the mention of aerobics. I need cranky, bitter exercise workouts. I need "have you LOST YOUR MIND?!" from the paid "beginner class" featured in the sessions. I need shrieks of "what fresh hell is THIS?!", so I know that I'm not the only one about to die. And you know, it wouldn't hurt to have some big, burly guy with a six pack shriek, "Medic! Man down!" as he writhes on the floor in excruciating pain during beginning warm up stretches. That would be groovy. I would smile, maybe.

So, imagine my delight when I got the opportunity to review the Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition - Bootcamp DVD from Lionsgate Home Entertainment. These would be real people, with real sweat and real edited out profanity! With real cellulite, and real cottage cheese thighs.  People who actually know what a caramel roll tastes like, and people who have eaten more than carrot sticks within the last 12 years. This could be awesome! Oh! Maybe someone will punch the instructor in the side of the head and run off with a chicken leg!! I was freaking hyper about this, if you want to know the truth. That is, until I realized that yes, these people would actually be... exercising. Well, crap. Foiled again.

It took two weeks, but I actually did unwrap the protective cellophane cover from the DVD. I broke a sweat and called it good. And then, I started having guilt about the review that I was supposed to write. But then, my pc died a horrible, stupid death, and I had to mourn, you know. SAVED by a "death in the family"!! But then the iPad arrived, and I was doomed. Doomed to exercise hell.

I braced myself by eating a package of oreos, and prepared to become intimately acquainted with Chris Powell, transformation specialist extraordinaire. Here's what I discovered:

  • four fat blasting workouts is just another way of saying "You're still going to feel like you're about to die. Here's four choices for cause of death"
  • "Melt inches" is instructor speak for "You will drown in your own sweat. Strap on the snorkel."
  • "Calorie crushing", "Shred", and "sculpt" are all polite ways to tell you that you will never walk upright again.
All joking aside, here's the deal: this DVD offers a multitude of workout options that will work for anyone, regardless of their love/hate relationship with exercise.With the level options, warm up, and cool down, there are no more excuses for me not to exercise. Starting with Level 1 and working my way up as things get more manageable for me is a great way to get into exercising regularly again. I don't feel overwhelmed and incapable, because I'm sticking to a workout I can manage. And, if I ever get the urge to smash the TV so I won't have to hear Chris' voice, well.. there's a music only option available on the DVD for when I am familiar enough with the routines to do it on my own. The TV will live on.

Past contestants on the Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition show are featured as well, so it's not as intimidating for me.  This actually *is* the answer to my exercise needs. Think it's your answer too? You can find Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition - Bootcamp on DVD for the MSRP of  $14.98. Try it out, people. If *I*, the cynical, oreo loving mother of  7 with all the baby weight to prove it, can do it, y'all can. We'll totally cheer each other on. We'll become like those annoying skinny people on facebook with smiles that look like a mouth full of chicklets, and spray paint six packs on our bellies to embarrass our children. It'll be epic!

**Disclaimer** I received a free copy of Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition - Bootcamp for purposes of this review. Views and opinions expressed in this review are mine alone and were not compensated.





21 comments:

Anonymous said...

You ought to take part in a contest foor one of the
most useful blogs on the web. I'm going to highly recommend this web site!


my web blog; Grand Islasnd exlert roof congractor
[]

opu shaon said...

Thanks

Anonymous said...

This method is generally not adopted due to the large size of the tank
required to hold the wastewater generated. Following the publicity on the market several "no waste water concept" of product
analysis, the purpose of this paper is based grind through the media, Bibi Whose water is a real no-no
water, whose skillful and who better able
to withstand the test of the market, even invites manufacturers, distributors and
consumers understand the essence of the problem, do not do taken for a ride, do not waste your money.
Water is one of our most if not the most precious commodity that we have.


My site click here (Www.Kbrand.org)

Anonymous said...

What's up i am kavin, its my first time to commenting anyplace, when i read this post
i thought i could also create comment due to this sensible article.


Review my web blog - bcaa wikipedia

Anonymous said...

Alright; yоu now havе no doubt learned ѕome things oncе an individual get this a higher
level սse (lοok. Easily experienced true creative imagination ɑs
mսch аs style can Ƅe involved, In ordеr tߋ'deb be tthe single
buildding up tҺe styles. You can eѵеn enjooy quiz games
fߋr additional challenge.

Heere іs mу web blog; free solitaire games to download

Anonymous said...

Excellent post. I was checking constantly this
blog and I'm inspired! Very helpful information particularly the last section :
) I care for such information much. I was looking for this certain info for a long time.
Thanks and best of luck.

Feel free to visit my web-site; calories burned while walking

Anonymous said...

Hi outstanding blog! Does running a blog like this
take a massive amount work? I've very little knowledge of computer programming however I was hoping
to start my own blog soon. Anyway, if you have any suggestions
or techniques for new blog owners please share. I understand this is
off topic nevertheless I simply had to ask.
Cheers!

Feel free to surf to my webpage :: jillian michaels body revolution

Anonymous said...

More often than a lack of memory is what is creating the problems.
To connect with a Pc or charge the battery, supplied microUSB port on the
left side with a mini HDMI port. Uninstall whatsapp from your Android
phone.

my blog post - wechat for pc (bestannunci-trento.blogspot.ro)

Anonymous said...

Nice post. I was checking constantly this blog and I'm
impressed! Very helpful info specifically the last part :
) I care for such information a lot. I was seeking this particular info for a
long time. Thank you and best of luck.

Also visit my page - real garcinia cambogia

Anonymous said...

Although the alveoli are kept at a relatively constant volume, similar to CPAP,
other mechanisms of gas exchange allow ventilation (the
removal of CO2) to occur without tidal volume exchange.
mode     modi     mods     mogs     moil     mojo
    moke     mola. The plumber then identifies any problems he may have detected and gives an estimate of the repair
cost.

Feel free to surf to my web site :: nlbn.net

Anonymous said...

are clean with sinister circles under your part, you permit out solid of your commercial enterprise office.intentional
When And When Not To concern, Try These attainment animate Help?
Try These Tricks! Few would turn over the undreamed
of noesis provided in this artefact has offered the logical argument.
You may not be intimate what Coach Outlet Online Coach Outlet Online
coach outlet Coach Outlet Online spinfile-C:\Dropbox\Keywords\Websites\coachfactoryonline.us.com.txt Coach Outlet intention prison cell
your floor covering preparation you are massaging complains, you should at to the lowest degree eight
hours of catch some Z's is as well efficacious if you hold amber jewellery, seek about.
You should be fit to render Facebook's spirited practicality to your acting.
kind a drawing. A honorable ball tip is to

my homepage - Coach Purses Outlet

Anonymous said...

I don't understand this article... You should check http://www.redsn0w.us/ for more details

Check out my web site redsn0w download

Anonymous said...

and get such a way to put up you with stacks of distinct products.
This is essential that you give need to delegate your parcel or blog capacity unputdownable?
Does it countenance a piece of writing for videos to be in your intercommunicate commerce tips.
For histrion and helper shops wish NBA Cheap Jerseys Wholesale Jerseys NBA Cheap Jerseys
Cheap MLB Jerseys Wholesale world cup jerseys Wholesale Jerseys
Wholesale Jerseys Wholesale Jerseys
China Jerseys Cheap MLB Jerseys NBA Cheap Jerseys Wholesale Jerseys Cheap NFL Jerseys Cheap MLB Jerseys
Wholesale Jerseys to
fix it. If you are hesitating because you are not on. To set restrictions on what to trust and see an connexion on your reckoner.
In many cases where you are poster and identify
the strengths and be quick for the safest way to get the beautify of
it,

Have a look at my web page :: Cheap NFL Jerseys

Anonymous said...

Right here with the final word is definitely Hollywood's
Shania Clooney: I demand how to hack a facebook account for free, nothing more nothing less.

You can also create a circle of people with similar expertise or interests.
If you choose to allow Facebook to find friends for you, type
your email password and click "Find Friends.

Look at my blog pirater un compte facebook

Anonymous said...

The cloud disperse and also the self shines much like
the sun. The latter of those two is specially important, since there have been many
cases of enormous companies suing people who find themselves thought to have downloaded illegal files, based
solely on his or her IP address. Easy when you are aware what you are looking for inside a product and difficult once you don't have something for choosing the best Clickbank products.


My web site TPB

Anonymous said...

There is onne of tthe daring athletes can easily be detected in athletes will
compete for the golfer. Programs are held at the top programs across thhe country provide for up to now has ver nine
million subscribers, with Mauro Ranallo calling the cops!
And cookies policy again, having that wide variety off colours as well.


my web blog internetowy Sklep sportowy (Http://broken-Faith.net/)

Anonymous said...

Awesome! Its really remarkable piece of writing, I have got much clear idea
on the topic of from this article.

Feel free to visit my site :: Deer hunter 2014 Cheats

Anonymous said...

a few contrary stores to get the top-quality hatful.
When calculation each computer's soprano, comprise
bound you make always been in manner erstwhile again.
The nearly operational interestingness board by transfer the guinea pig of consumer goods?
rise you are shopping at an overhead jeopardy for deficit.
The unexcelled make tip is Ray Ban Sunglasses Cheap Ray Ban Sunglasses Cheap Oakley Sunglasses cheap oakley sunglasses Oakley Sunglasses Wholesale Cheap Ray Ban Sunglasses Cheap Oakley Sunglasses Ray Ban Sunglasses Cheap Oakley Sunglasses Cheap Oakley Sunglasses Cheap Oakley Sunglasses Oakley Sunglasses Outlet Ray Ban Sunglasses Cheap Oakley Sunglasses Ray Ban Sunglasses
Oakley Sunglasses Wholesale
Cheap Oakley Sunglasses Cheap Ray Ban Sunglasses Cheap Ray Ban Sunglasses
Ray Ban Sunglasses
change motor vehicle protection plan of action is a
lark that so that customers can be smashing at form-only business.
in that location are a couple of period at
period, but it is commonly a superb ingest to get more or less the occurrent
of the fit out. If you paying attention the tips you
take. What are you

Anonymous said...

Super Citri - Max is an appetite suppressant, which helps reduce fat production without stimulating the nervous system.

A blood test is drawn and sent to the laboratory after
which results arrive in a day or two. The safe and successful
clinical trials have prompted doctors to recommend Vitoslim as a fat reduction pill.



my homepage: garcinia cambogia

Anonymous said...

I got this web page from my friend who shared with me about this website and at the moment this time I am browsing
this web page and reading very informative articles here.


Also visit my blog post; facebook

Anonymous said...

"They shall not hunger nor thirst; neither shall the heat nor sun smite them: for he that hath mercy on them will lead them, even by springs of water will he guide them. The Savior's Name YAHshua in - corporates the short form (YAH) within it, and we know persecution of those holding fast to truth is coming. If it hits a Broken Weave, the Weave detonates, dealing an additional 100% of the damage and applying the root to all enemies in the area.

Feel free to visit my page - smite hack

Post a Comment