I was attempting to catch up this morning on reading the blogs I follow, because as we all know I've been just a tad busy doing fun things for Deeds. Well. I'm scrolling through, right clicking and opening blogs in new tabs and I came upon the MOST. AWESOME. DIVE BAR. POST. EVER!!
So, here's the Reader's Digest Condensed Version:
Some dimwit takes her kid to gymnastics class, and LEAVES HIM THERE, while she takes off to get a coffee. She comes back after getting the coffee, and proceeds to cough, sneeze, and hack ~ effectively spreading all kinds of air born bio hazardous crap all over everyone and everything within a 50 mile radius.
Like the infomercials say, "But WAIT! There's MORE!" Dimwit also has with her a small toddler. A toddler of the oozy, green, bacteria infested nose variety. OK. I have to pause here. Why is it that when out in public with a toddler who is oozing green ectoplasm, YOU DON'T HAVE ANY KLEENEX?? Back to the story.
Toddler belonging to Dimwit makes the rounds, making sure to wipe ectoplasm on people's legs, coats and other belongings while Mommy Dearest laughs and plays and sings silly songs with the Daddies while her Hubs looks on adoringly. Neither Dimwit or Adoring Hubs is paying attention to Oozing Toddler -or- their Gymnast Child. There are so many things wrong with this picture, I cannot begin to tell you.
So. Now we have a different mother, a mother who was at gymnastics class with her child THE WHOLE TIME. Who had to sit by the bio hazard factory if she was going to sit at all. A different mother who was given Oozing Toddler's blessing in the form of green ectoplasm on herself and her belongings. A Different Mother who, at this very moment is at home with her son, sick. Ain't that a SHOCKER? Oh. Should I add just a BIT more fuel to the fire? Different Mother's child has special needs. Do you REALLY think Different Mother needed this extra little bit of drama in her life?
So, addicts, here's the deal. We're taking a lil poll. Let me know what you think. And be honest. I want to know how you REALLY feel!
6 comments:
Does everybody know what "Dive bar" is, though? I'm just saying. Off to vote....
Imagine my surprise, clicking over and seeing this!! You crack me up!! And yes, Jill, EVERYONE knows about your Dive Bar!!
I was purposely vague... but I can be more specific. Just did not have permission to do so... yet! ;)
Please, God and Karen, not everyone! I hope my mother doesn't know about the DIVE BAR. I had been drinking one night (I know, surprise!!) and told my mom about my rockin' blog. Then she went and actually asked for the addy. Like she could totally find it anyway; she has the computer literacy of my cat - and a brand new MacBook. Sometimes life sucks for me.
But, again, SHE MUST NEVER KNOW ABOUT THE DIVE BAR. I HAVE TOO MANY POSTS IN MY HEAD TO PUT THERE ABOUT HER.
I have done a dive bar post myself. A scarily real one. Therefore, I will NEVER divulge, unless asked to do so. I think everyone's secrets are safe.
OK Kelly!! I take it back!!! I take it back!! Truly, my mom would NEVER be able to find the site as she cannot even turn a computer on!!
I'm with Caryn - Jill will keep us all safe!!
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