As you know, I've not been feeling well. I do not like not feeling well. I'm sure you can relate. However, last night, not feeling well turned into being unable to draw a complete breath. And then it combined with burning pain from shoulder to shoulder, across my collarbone. And then there was the searing, burning pain that went through my body, from right under my rib cage right through to my spine. And the hyperventilating. And the pain down my arms. Yes, people. I thought I was having a heart attack. And with good reason, I might add.
I actually walked out to the ambulance because well, I could. And I tried to fall on the paramedic behind me as I climbed in ( I was a lil wobbly) . And we were off! For about... 3 minutes. Until the paramedic in charge said he didn't like the way the ambulance was running. And I'm thinking, "Uh, that's not good". Then he decided it would be a good idea to pull over and shut everything down for a minute to let it reset. And I'm thinking, "Uh... THAT'S not good." and then everything went dark. And I'm thinking, "Uh, okay. Really. That's NOT good!" Also, that wasn't really helping the hyperventillating factor for me.
Fast forward 40 miles, to the ER. I'm breathing somewhat normally. My chest still hurts. And I'm there for a couple of hours while they suck out everything but 3 drops of blood, take chest xrays, and EKG, and ask me 14 times if I could be pregnant. And I'm repeating over and over in my head "Do NOT tell me it's gas. Do NOT tell me it's gas..." because if that were the case, I would just feel stupid.
While I'm there, my parents show up.. which surprised me actually, because who was with my children? The Daddy is still out of town. They tell me a little story, which boils down to "the incredibly cool, buckets of awesome women in this predominantly LDS town are taking care of your children while we are here". Loosely translated, that means "Neighbors are cleaning your house and doing your dishes and tending your children." Oh and also, they are bringing dinner tonight. I love this tiny little town.
Here's the point. There are a lot of things that, as a mother, I can deal with. For example, though it's not fun, I can deal with my children in an ambulance getting emergency care. I can handle my child having an extreme allergic reaction, and I can do what it takes to get him what he needs. I can cope with the drama that IS a fact of life with large families. Want to know what I can't handle, even a little? I can't handle thinking about what would happen to my children if/when I die.
Every parent knows that their children will out live them, God willing. But things happen. There are heart attacks and car accidents, and terminal diseases. There are hurricanes and wars and blood clots. And a hundred million other things that could happen. And I have never prepared for what will happen to my children if I die while they are young.
So today, while I hold my clingy little monsterlettes (but NOT picking them up because lifting could hurt me even more. I have monsters that do that for me.) and rock them in the rocking chair, I am glad I am home for the holidays. I am determined to make plans for their futures. I feel that this would be the greatest gift I would ever be able to give them. Let's face it, y'all.. last night was kind of a mess. I had no plan in place.
Do me a favor. Take a little time. Make a plan. Make sure it's water tight. You REALLY don't ever want to see a paramedic comforting your child and promising that you won't die...yet.
Images of ambulance and woman holding chest from Google Images. I love that place!
Hand with an IV belongs to me. Literally.