Friday, April 27, 2012

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Do Ants Cry?

In the last couple of weeks since the weather decided it was time to be Spring, the Monster House has been invaded by little black ants. I'm forever wiping them off kitchen counters and placing ant baits in hidden corners. Ants make me crazy. There nine bazillion of them and it feels like a giant effort in futility to try and get rid of them.

I think Art Linkletter had it right when he said "Kids say the darndest things!" I am not dating myself here, that was before my time, but I can sure appreciate it!

I was wiping the counter free of ants the other day, cursing in my brain, when Logan suddenly said, "Mumma, that's sad!" I was caught off guard and responded with something witty and appropriate like, "Huh?!" He slid off the bar chair and came over to me looking like he lost his best friend. "Mumma," he said again sadly, "Do ants cry? Cuz you smooshed all the brothers and friends."

I don't believe I had ever felt guilty about killing ants before . But holy cow, Logan has effectively turned me in the the ant killing guilt queen! And now, every time I see a line of ants behind my faucets, or marching down the cupboards by the dishwasher (it would appear these ants are part of the Olympic swimming team, as they are addicted to anyplace near water. They laugh at sugar.) I wonder, hmm. Is this a group of little ant friends, off for some R&R? Is there an ant Momma out there somewhere, sobbing hysterically and moaning, "My millions of babies, my millions of babies! They were so young and full of promise for the future of ants everywhere! Little Johnny was getting ready for college, and Annie was engaged. I was so ready to be an ant granny, and now that will never happen! Curse the evil huge human!"

And also, do you have any idea how embarrassing it is to admit all over the internet that I'm thinking about sad little ant Mommas, even though their offspring are taking over my house? More than that, it's even MORE embarrassing to admit that I now whisper, "I'll do it quick. You won't even feel it! Lucky little ants! You're headed to that giant ant hill in the sky!" before I annihilate their entire family.

What can I say? By the time this ant situation is under control, I'll be needing a grief counselor and significant psychological help. I'll be the crazy ant lady who throws ant funerals that all the neighborhood children are scared of. Small children will hide behind their mothers when I go to the market to buy milk. I'll be used as an example of what could happen.. "Do you wanna turn out like the Ant lady? Do your homework and eat your broccoli!"

This is my life, people. This is my life.

Art Linkletter image by mediabistro, via the Google. Ants image by the Google images

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