Tuesday, October 5, 2010

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It's a bird! It's a plane! Its........ MOM?!?!?!?!

Being the parent of a special needs child has given me super powers. No really, I'm serious. I can feel guilt at the speed of light. I can go from zero to panic in 1.2 seconds. I can switch with ease from mild mannered ( OK, maybe not MILD mannered....) to Momma Bear ferocious in the blink of an eye. I can leap tall buildings in a single bound. Yeah, yeah, you caught me. The last one is a lie... unless,of course, Logan is on the top of that building having an allergic reaction. Then, I have absolutely no doubt that I would find myself speedily atop that building without remembering how I arrived there.  And don't even get me started on the death ray. I hardly feel that super power is worth mentioning, however, because I use it daily to make the monsters do their chores.

With super power comes super responsibility. Responsibility to do the research, responsibility to be Logan's advocate, responsibility to know all of Logan's needs, responsibility to obtain medical care and therapy and to be..... well, be Logan's EVERYTHING. I daily go through the rituals of searching and reading and learning and repeatedly banging brick walls with my head. Brick walls, you see, come in many forms. Remember the quote from Shakespeare:   
What's in a name? that which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet                                                      
From Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet, 1600 
Well, here's what I've discovered. Though we may call them insurance companies,  school administrators, or medical bill collection companies, they are still... brick walls. And they don't smell sweet. Though they may be medical conditions that have no name, allergies that just show up one day and set up residence in a tiny little body, or medications that don't work... they are still brick walls. It may be a well meaning family member that tells me I'm doing everything wrong, or  a neighbor that feels the need to tell me their life story, whether it applies to my current situation or not. They are still brick walls. And I'm tellin' ya.. the lumps and bruises are getting noticeable!
My cape is getting tattered and stained, my tights have runs in them, and I have found my kryptonite. It's not knowing. Not knowing why Logan has seizures, or why our insurance company does some of the things it does. Not knowing if I'm doing everything I possibly can for Logan.  

My flight pattern has become wobbly, and my super strength ran out a few nights ago. In other words, I have discovered I am human. I'm not liking this revelation. But, there is a reason I am telling you all this. A method to my madness ( muwahahaha!). As parents of these incredibly special children, we all need to be careful when we tap into super powers. We are human. We make mistakes. We do the very best we possibly can with the resources available to us. We love our children more than life itself, more than the written word can convey. We would do anything~ anything~ to see them happy and healthy and thriving. And, we are human.

I have seen incredible things since this blog began. I have seen dedication and determination, tireless effort and volunteers who want to help however they can.  Why? For me, for Logan, and for all of you.

So now, the message I've been dancing around since the beginning of this blog.  My message to all the parents out there, privileged enough to have a special needs child. 

You are my heroes. My motivation for reading, researching, and blogging. You have given me strength to continue after a day of smacking my head against brick walls. You have supplied valuable information to me countless times, and that has turned into something beneficial for Logan ~through this blog and other parent support sites. Thank you! Thank you for mending and laundering my cape, and for giving me new tights. For flight lessons and for removing kryptonite from my brain. You are superheroes to me.


Krista said...

You don't have to have super powers, you only need to keep showing up every day, ready to do what is necessary. Be yourself- no matter what happens, and it will be ok.

Caryn said...

Wise words from a wise woman! Thanks, Krista!

Karen said...

Frazzledmomma, I just found your blog through SPD International forum -- and I'm so glad I did! You are a wonderful writer and an inspiration! I recently started my own blog for parents of children with special needs living in Abu Dhabi, United Arab Emirates. Do you mind if I put a link on my site for your blog? Feel free to check it out: http://www.specialneedsabudhabi.blogspot.com . ~ Karen

Caryn said...

Karen, we're honored and privileged to be linked to your blog. Thank you for the compliment!

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