Tuesday, March 1, 2011

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Briefly Bedazzled

Pretty All True
Good morning, Monster House addicts! Today Kris, from Pretty All True  is our guest! When I read this post, I laughed until I cried. I just know you'll love it. Thanks so much, Kris, for visiting( and also for being so nicely G-rated)! Come on back any 'ol time!
Kallan swoops into the room, “Can I use some stuff out of the craft cupboard?”

“Yeah, sure . . . just put everything away when you are done. Try not to make too big a mess this time!”

“What? I never make a mess.”

“Remember the papier mache’d dog?”

“He wanted to be papier mache’d!”

“Remember the scented markers?”

“How is coloring my chest with sniffy cinnamon brown not a genius idea?”

“Remember the colored-sand debacle?”

“I asked you to help me make a funnel to pour that sand into the bottles. You said you were busy.”

“Remember the tragic clown make-up incident?”

“What’s your point, Mom?”

“Just clean up when you are done, OK?”

“Got it,” Kallan turns to yell for her sister, “Maj! Good news! Mommy says we can run craft amuck!”

“You know that’s not what I said.”

Kallan giggles and burrows into the craft cupboard. She leaves the room with her arms laden with supplies. I try not to focus.

All is quiet for a few moments and then both girls walk into the room, hands waving high in the air. I watch them for a moment, “Why are you waving your hands? You painted your fingernails? I thought you were doing crafts.”

“We are making hand peelings!”


They step close enough for me to see that they have painted their palms and fingers with a thick oozing layer of Elmer’s glue.

I issue panicked orders, “ACK! Do not touch anything! Go sit at the dining room table and do not touch anything until that dries.”

Neither girl moves and Kallan reassures me, “We are not going to touch anything, Mom. We don’t need to sit at the table. We’ll let the glue dry and then peel it off! Hand peelings! We have this under control.”

But as she talks, she sweeps her hand across her forehead and through her hair.

Her eyes go wide.


She stares at me, her hand stuck in her long blond hair, “OK, this was an accident.”

Maj laughs hysterically and slaps both of her hands against her thighs.

Her eyes go wide.


So then there is washing and rinsing and wiping and discussion of how this might not have been one of their most genius ideas ever.

All clean.

Kallan turns to Maj happily, “Guess what? I have the best idea!”

And they run off together.

There is quiet for a few moments, and then they are back.

And here is Kallan . . .

I laugh, “Kallan, you are gorgeous, but are those all sticky-backed jewels?”


“Weren’t those for a craft project? Aren’t those really sticky?”

She agrees happily, “Yup.”

“So, babe? Isn’t it going to be pretty painful to remove those jewels?”

“Don’t be silly, Mom. They’ll come off easy,” and she reaches up to demonstrate by plucking one off of her forehead.

I watch as her eyes grow big and tears swell, “Mom, they hurt!”


I offer to help, but Kallan and Maj run off into the bathroom to handle things.

Kallan sounds like this against a giggling sister background . . .

“Ow! Ow! Ow!”

“Stop laughing, Maj!”

“Ow! Ow! Ow! I said stop laughing! It’s not funny!”

“Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!”

“Now I wasted all of these jewels!”

“Ow! Ow! Ow! Oh, I know! I’ll just stick them to my shirt!”

“Ow! Ow! Ow! Maj, did I get all of them? Maj, stop laughing!”


Kallan decorates her shirt with all of the sticky-backed jewels.

She is a master-crafter, that girl.

Of course, at the end of the evening, she throws the white shirt into the laundry without removing any of the jewels.

Which means that several days later, Mark is holding up a pair of his underwear.

All bejeweled and sparkly.


I laugh, “You are all undie-bedazzled!”

He pulls out several more pairs of underwear, all similarly adorned, “What the heck happened here?”

I giggle, “OK, Kallan was doing crafts, and . . .”

He snorts, “This should be good.”

And so I tell him the story of the jewels.

Hee hee!

I am Kris of Pretty All True . . . easily located at www.prettyalltrue.com.  I have been married for more than 20 years to Mark, and we have two incredible daughters.  Kallan is 9 and Maj is 11.  I write about everything, and sometimes that everything includes my children.


Mary said...

That. Was. Funny.

Good on you for having a sense of humor about it all, too. I bet Kallan's poor face was something to behold after removing the jewels. O_O

heather mac said...

Thanks for the sweet pic Kris!

Lori @ In Pursuit of It All said...

The term "The Family Jewels" takes on a whole new meaning.

WTH am I Doing? said...

LoL I have done the Elmer's glue thing. Except I always used the back of my hand. To avoid unfortunate "ooopses" hehehe

And I bet Mark rocked the bedazzled underwear.

Daria @ Mom in Management said...

Glorious story of a day in the life of creative kids... :) Very funny and I can relate!

Kris said...

Yay for seeing people over here! Thank you!

Spread the word!

2bkate said...

OMG Laughing so loud hubs is looking at me funny

Amy said...

LOL! I love this post! And I love the picture!

Kim said...

Awesome. Just awesome. She bedazzeled her face -- I am so in love with her.

PBJdreamer said...

Oh nice. Mark gets such benefits from the craft cabinet...

Kallan looks like the alien from the movie Spliced.

that is all

Kmama said...

Haha! I'm laughing at Lori's "family jewels".

I love Kallan.

Anonymous said...

LOVE that! I think I'll go bedazzle hubby's undershorts and see if he notices...

Renee said...

And Kallan was just beautiful.

The Sisters' Hood said...

So glittery and sweet and so mommy blogger'ish .... so what did you do with the real Kris?

ok, kidding, she swings both ways,
an she is awesome at both!

LCW @ Waking Up Williams said...

Great post. Love the bejeweled face and glued hands. It adds to Kallan's spunk.

Stasha said...

Love that picture!

Only Kallan would think to bedazzle her face and then her Dad's underwear.

Hee hee!

Nil Zed said...

What, no pictures of the undies? dang.

Oh, I see. We are behaving nicely over here. Nevermind.


Tracie Nall said...

This is hilarious.

I love the bedazzled Kallan.

Also, Lori's comment is cracking me up.

Lady Estrogen said...

Awesome. Love the photo :)
I was expecting one of the undies too! lol

McKenna said...

Great post, love it and just like a true blogger there is the photo to capture that moment.

Rhonda at Laugh Quotes said...

OMG- Too funny. Did she look all chicken pox like after he jewels came off, or did the red go away quickly. I do have to ask - did she actual attempt papier mache’d a real dog?

Anonymous said...

Oh wow that was AWESOME! I am still laughing my tushie off.

Varda said...

Yes, yes, what Lori said... Love this post and that picture of dazzle-faced Kallan? Priceless. she reminds me of one of those weird-face aliens from Star Trek: Deep Space 9. I needed to laugh tonight (been busy writing sad posts about my father's death last March). Thanks!

Emily said...

Im trying hard to not laugh a child off my boob. thanks!

Grace @ Arms Wide Open said...

HAAA! i totally remember doing those glue peelings. To think about that now? just, eww.

Anonymous said...

Look at you all g-rated and whatnot! Love it.

LOVE bejewelled Kallan.

Perhaps back at PAT we can see Mark in bejewelled undies. Yes?

Alexandra said...

OH! That picture made me jump back a little.

Oh, goodness, how did she like her reflection back?

Big Daddy Autism said...

I actually pay good money to have my undies bedazzled.

Yuliya said...

I did the Elmer's glue thing too! In fact that sounds like a great way to get out of doing housework..."sorry I'm waiting for this here glue to dry"

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