Strings of Spit

Every day I am reminded in some small way (and sometimes in large ways) that there are things about Motherhood that no one ever warned me about. This is unfair! UNFAIR, people! No one ever had the courtesy to warn me  that my children would excel at public humiliation, public nudity, and strings of spit. No  one told me I would, at some point, no longer be able to tolerate wiping noses (Because I have major sensory issues with slimy things).

As you all know, I have been doing the yoga. I have a love/hate relationship with the yoga. I love the results. I am beginning to hate the abnormally skinny, never perspiring, always cheerful yoga witch. And I hate that she never ever has to stop to take huge gulps of water in between gasps for oxygen. She just smiles, and continues to bend herself into impossible positions. And smiles. And never finds religion while she does it.

It was during yoga practice (that sounds almost pleasant, doesn't it? Don't worry. It's not.) today that I got another little reminder about things I was never warned about.

I thought I was dying. I was sure my temperature was at least 189 degrees. I was gasping for oxygen. I was dying of thirst. So I grabbed my water bottle, flipped off the cap and went to take a gulp.. and... strings of spit. Strings of spit all over the top of my water bottle. I was no longer thirsty.

It seems I have tasters now. Isn't that nice? Whether it's a meal, a coffee, a bottle of water, a cracker, or a grape, my darling little monsters will always get to my portion before me. Why is that? It is so not okay to find strings of spit on my water bottle when I'm dying. I'm sure they're doing it to make sure I'm not being poisoned... aren't they???

My chapsticks are drooling so much I have begun to think they are teething. Please tell me I am not the only one that has monsters that do this. It drives me crazy! I can give each monster their own chapstick, water bottle, dinner, snack, mug of hot chocolate, etc. And they will invariably take mine instead. grrrrrr!

Woman spitting out water by Google images, via fark.com.

Woman pouring water over face by google images via quality-exercise-equipment.com