Tuesday, November 16, 2010

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How #5 became notorious


#5. Oh, my goodness. My notorious #5. The child that is known because I have more stories about him, in his short little five years of monsterhood, than ANY of the other monsters.... combined. There are, in fact, so many stories to choose from that I honestly don't know where to start.

He  really is SO cute in pictures, and when he's sleeping. And when he gets whatever he wants... immediately.  And when his toast has the crust cut off and is evenly sliced into EIGHT rectangles. On a small blue plate. NOT THE WHITE ONE,MOM! THE BLUE ONE! 

He's my child, and I love him to bits and Lil pieces, but I have never had a child quite like him. He is my high maintenance, high energy child. He loves fiercely, fights fiercely, and screams shrill. And he's mine. ALL MINE!! But I digress.

I could start by telling about the time I had purchased four cases of fresh strawberries, blackberries, and blueberries. I had washed the blue and black berries and set them out on towels spread over the kitchen counter so they could dry completely before I froze them in single layers for later use. Well, I had done this while my notorious #5 was in kindergarten and the twinnie monsterlettes were napping. But after I picked #5 up from school, I had a very important phone call, scheduling Logan's EEG at the hospital in town following his seizure this last September. At this time, I must refer to facebook for exact wording. You know you love it.... 


So.. I'm sitting at the desk on the phone trying to set up Logan's EEG. I hear maniacal 5yr old laughter, followed by #5 running up to me shrieking " MOM! I SO love you!!" & then he ran away. Still conversing with the hospital I go to the kitchen. "You're the BEST! You bought me BERRY BOMBS!" says #5 as he launches blueberries at the beige wall. SPLAT!!!! There were 10 other bomb sites. Shoot me now.


He was standing on the counter throwing them as hard as he could at the wall on the other end of the breakfast nook.

Needless to say, my mouth dropped open and I hung up on the registration office at the hospital. The child seriously thought I had purchased all those berries for his launching pleasure. And did you know.. .fresh blueberries WILL stain through paint. Permanently.


Or, I could tell you about the time the child had a REALLY not very wonderful day, and consequently that afternoon, I had just HAD IT!!


thinks my eyeballs will explode if #5 screams one more time. This after he peed on the nursery TV and killed it, told his kindergarten teacher she is an idiot, and explained male anatomy to the girls in his class. CALGON, TAKE ME AWAY!!


I don't tell you all this to convince you that my child is horrible, or terrible, or mean, or awful. He isn't. He just has some REALLY interesting days. Which in turn makes MY days really interesting. In fact, some days they are SO interesting, I even make up brand new words to fit the occasion! I'm not a perfect mother, #5 is not a perfect child. But he IS notorious, and he's MINE, ALL MINE! ( I think I mentioned that before...)

These are the things that I think of when other mothers tell me they have had a rough day with their 5 year olds... because this IS normal, right?? RIGHT?!?!?! 

collin got caught!!!


Sarah said...

Oh boy, the mental images on this one were priceless! I think I can wait till Joe does this. LOL

Daria @ Mom in Management said...

Lol - that sounds so remarkably familiar! :) Everyone keeps brushing me off with "he's all boy", but holy cow he can be a monster! And this one is MINE, ALL MINE. :D

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