Friday, December 2, 2011

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House Work Causes ADD

Morning breaks. The chaos routine of school mornings ensues. There is hustle movement. There is bustle bickering. There is an amazing amount of air traffic in the Monster House in the mornings, as socks that don't match go flying, backpacks are emptied all over the floor in the frenzy of trying to find that wadded up paper underneath the bed homework, and the entire front coat closet gets gutted in order to find outer wear. There's snow outside, you know.



And then, with a final wall trembling door slam, the last monster is off to school. And I dare to look at what used to be able to fit the definition of "home", but now resembles more the definition of "nuclear fallout". I decide to pick up the house now rather than later, because there are no monsters to distract me. This will go quickly! I can get it done and still have time to enter giveaways and call friends and blog and read and nap and drink coffee before I have to pick up the twinnie monsterlettes from Pre-K in exactly..... 2 hours and 12 minutes. I am, you realize, delusional.


I gather up 3,741 dvds from the floor, which have been used for an impromptu and unauthorized game of frisbee last night, and start snapping them back in the cases. I praise myself. See? This is going well! Look how much you're getting done while there are no interruptions! And I start to stack them into the DVD shelf. But gosh, That shelf is SO dusty. So, I grab a rag and the allergen free Pledge. Then wipe and shine that shelf until the dust at least resembles wood grain instead of mud. Then I decide that it would be so much easier to find a movie if they were alphabetized. So I do that. Then I look over, and that darn TV screen! It sprouts fingerprints like it's about to grow hands! Ew! Back to the cleaning cabinet for windex and a clean rag. Now the screen is all pretty and fingerprint free. But there is a headless baby doll between the TV and the entertainment center wall, and that's just sad. I think I saw the head in the boys' room, and I actually know where a needle and thread are today, so I stop everything to perform major surgery on a doll that is never used for anything but decapitation.

While in the boys' room, I notice that the equivalent of a 12 person set of dinnerware is residing within the depths of doom in their room. And I don't even want to know what is clinging to the plates and bowls. I'm almost certain it was food at one time. So I put the baby doll down on the foosball table and start gathering dishes while muttering strange and meaningless threats under my breath. It takes 14 trips, but I get all the dishes. Thank goodness for kitchen counter space, because I used it all!

The next thing I know, my cell is having a seizure because the alarm is going off. It's time to pick up the twins from school! And you know.. I've been working hard. This is great! The fam will be so proud! Except... the only thing that's been picked up and put away? DVDs, and one baby doll. It has taken me 2 hours and 12 minutes to put away movies and pick up a doll.

Based on the evidence presented here, I think you'll agree that house work does indeed cause ADD. Save yourself while you still can! Happy Friday, everyone!
Images in this post by Google images


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