Tuesday, December 7, 2010

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Take Cover, She's Gonna Blow!!!

I declare today to be selfish blog day. Mark your calendars: Tuesday, December 7, 2010 is the first annual LwL Selfish Blog Day. I am, in fact, feeling sorry for myself, and the Daddy is tired of hearing about it, so you, my dear followers and random readers, get to hear all about it.... kind of.

I am tired of people asking if I am premenstrual and/or pregnant. Probably this means I should adjust my attitude and start exercising, but I just don't wanna.

I am tired of being surrounded by Christmas happiness and light even before Thanksgiving, knowing that some of my monsters have a father that frankly does not care, who will not be sending even a Christmas card to monsters 1- 4 this year. He sent #1 an EMAIL to drop that little tidbit. My monsters are sad and THAT has made me stabbity. Idiot ex, are you READING THIS??? I have so many new words to use regarding you.

I am tired of having high blood pressure for the last two weeks, when I have had low blood pressure my ENTIRE life.

I am tired of searching and searching and searching for gfcfsfef cookies/breads/pizza crusts etc. to bake for Christmas that the entire family will enjoy, so Logan can have treats, too. There are thousands of recipes out there, and I have yet to find a gfcf chocolate chip cookie to rival a Tollhouse. And that crankifies me. And makes me sad, because dang it, LOGAN DESERVES CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES TOO!!

I am tired of hearing "I want this" and "I want that" from the monsters regarding Christmas, and knowing that the budget this year may not stretch as far as it needs to.

I'm not going to apologize for any of this. Here's why: So very many people have told me that they are envious of  my "amazing attitude" and how smoothly things seem to run at the Monster House.It just ain't so. I'm a normal human being with an above average number of children, operating on an average annual income for most families of 4 or 5. 

I'm just worn out. I don't know what it is about December that just amps up the stabbity crankiness. And my blood pressure, and my complete certainty that I will not last the month without having a stroke and/or heart attack. Someone out there PLEASE tell me I'm not the only one...

And lastly, because it is the most important. If even ONE more person consoles me, or my children, or the Daddy because we have Logan, I WILL BLOW!!!


Sarah said...

Believe me when I tell you, it's strange and amazing to me when people assume, because you are showing happiness, that bad things don't happen in your life. But I can tell you one thing; I know that Logan is *not* one of those bad things. You have obviously been blessed with a good attitude *and* a wonderful child to spend it with. And ex hubby should be ashamed. In the end, though, it is he who loses. And because you know, love, and appreciate the monsters, you know just how much. (((hugs))) to you and your family...

Ashley said...

You are so not alone! I get it. My birth father sounds a lot like your ex. I also would love to find anything GFCF that tastes remotely similar and we don't even have the added challenge of allergies. Selfish post? (I didn't think it was selfish.) That's the beauty of having your own blog. You can write whatever you want whenever you want. I was glad to have read it. I related to you on many things. And now I wish for you wine. And chocolate. And more wine. =) Happy Tuesday.

mckellipgirl said...

I understand and it's healthy for you to vent! All people have stress and I know that everyone says that you should be holly and jolly around the holidays but if you think about it the media and society put a lot of pressure on people to be the best and provide way more than can be afforded, not only financially but also in some aspects emotionally.
And with the dbd, I'm really sorry that you are going through this but manely I'm sorry for your kids. I still haven't talked to my sperm donor since I was two and know that during holidays it can be hard but just remember that you are doing the best you can with them and you can't control his actions. From what you've shared at least they know that you love them and will always be there for them. :)
I'm glad to read this (not because I enjoy you being upset but because it's healthy to get this out) and am happy for you to have a place to do this. Hope your bp goes down soon, that's never fun.

RacersMommy said...

I'm here! With tears cuz its how I'm feeling. And all the xmas lights in the world did not make me smile anymore this year.

You are not alone!

jillsmo said...

YOU GO, GIRL!! Use this blog to get it all out, I promise I will be cheering you on the WHOLE TIME!!

I have some choice words for that ex of yours, too. I forgot, can I curse here?

Dena said...

Okay, Snopes says suicide rates don't actually increase this time of year, but I don't believe them.
Good news, tho... I've got toll-house-like cookies for ya!

mrs. monster said...

I hear you on the bio-dad ridiculousness. I live 10 min. away from my monster's "father" and even before the restraining order, he didn't show any interest.

My point is - this is your blog. Feel free to vent! More than once a year ;) And I am digging your new words. Especially stabbity.

Caryn said...

Can't take credit for "stabbity".. that one is a stark.raving.mad.mommy original. I heart SRMM. You can find her on twitter @starkravingmadM, and on her blog, at http://www.starkravingmadmommy.com/

Be warned, it's rated PG-13, but I still love love LOVE it!

mommetime said...

You're not alone...speaking your truth is never selfish! I find sometimes when I say it out loud 'it' loses power. I suffered for years with depression and did not know it; not until the birth of my second child was I even willing to do anything about my circumstances. My oldest daughter was born at 23 wks gestation; we were told that there was no hope for her survival (they were wrong). Six years later we face each day as it comes our way...just like everyone else. I think that is what bothers me the most about people "consoling" me...I sometimes just want to respond in jest because everyone and I mean everyone has something going on. Like that 'person' with a brat for a child...I wanna say something in response like, "oh sweetie, I am so sorry you have such a brat for a child; what in the world are you going to do, how is it that you handle 'it' sooooooo well?" Of course sporting the fake big eyed smile. Sorry, I ramble...you are not alone! Amy http://mommetime.com/

@jencull (jen) said...

I hate being consoled, it is the one thing that gets me seriously cross in seconds. So one can't always let off the steam in case one gets consoled. Thats what blogs are for. I hope you feel a little better? Jen

GummyLump.com: wooden toys, pretend play, and play food for preschool! said...

You are not alone. I think December can be so depressing because everyone pulls out their perfect display selves and shows it off to everyone - making everyone else do the same thing. It's all part of the grand illusion.

I think all Moms feel less than perfect and I always say that my kids make me have to be better than I am. I am sure you feel that too. It's a lot pressure we put on ourselves and we do it because we dearly love our little monsters and want the very best in the world for them. When we feel like we can't give it, provide it, or make that "best" happen for them, it hurts us and makes us feel bad.

Luckily, these feeling don't normally last that long. A little peck on the cheek, a smile, or something else very silly suddenly snaps us out of our melancholy and we realize we aren't really so bad and we really aren't ruining their lives by some "lack" we can't provide.

I am here :) Any time! I get it! Even if you don't think so, people care about you and think you're very deserving of a rant now and again!

Anonymous said...

Love your blog, love your rant and as the mom of 3 monsters...I feel your frustration and exasperation. As for the EX (yours, mine and a horrific amount of others)...My coping skill was to decide that he must be autistic too :) Once I realized his "going to the beat of his own band" was really complete and utter lack of understanding or care for others opinions and feelings, life suddenly got easier. Expect nothing, set a zero expectation for the kids and celebrate the occassional appearance. That way the kids don't get hurt waiting for a no-show and my life goes on, decisions get made quickly and I get to enjoy every little miraculous experience (good/bad) alone with no criticism or input from a non-entity :) Enjoy your lemonade.

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